The Motorcycle diaries: memoires of 'the Beast'

I will never drive a motorbike again! In HOLLAND THAT IS.
Because after what I've been doing the past 3 weeks - a legendary motorbike trip through the north of Vietnam - driving back home will be just too boring, too predictable and too simple.

If people will ask me what the best decision is I've made in my life so far, I would have told them 'going on a world trip'. But now, I will - and only can - answer them with the words, 'buying a motorbike and cruise 'nam.' Really, its so hard to describe what I have experienced. It literally gives me the goosebumps again just writing about it.

It all started about 3 weeks ago. The moment that me and my friends, Neil, Dave, (the guys we met in Yangshuo, China) and the girls Tamara and Hanneke walked in Felix' motorbike shop in Hanoi for our set of wheels. A few hours later, I had purchased a russian Minsk with a 125cc engine. From that moment I had become the proud owner of 'The Beast'.

THE BEAST

I've been nicknaming my Minsk 'The Beast' from the very first moment I took it for a test drive. Why?? It has personality. When it comes to life when kicking the hell out of the kickstart, it makes the noise of an old rusty moped while the exhaust is banging (with the occasional flame) every now and than. It's just awesome. Since  'The Beast' has an old fashioned two stroke engine I need to fill it up with oil every time I stopped for petrol. The obvious result was big white smoke coming from my exhaust because of the oil being burned in the engine. Nobody would want to drive behind me too close for too long, because of the simple fact that the smoke being blown in their faces, was too heavy and annoying sometimes. Absolutely classic!

Half the fun of the actual motorbike trip were the preparations. Meaning, getting proper gear, helmets, a map but most importantly - TOOLS. Luckily Hanoi is Motorbike HEAVEN, and everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING is available for a motorbike or moped. From simple locks, to ultra loud modified sound horns and from luggage racks to actual cages to transport a chicken or 20 (still alive of course). Dave and Neil are real experts on motorbikes. Me... hmmm not so much. Usually I was just pretending to know shit and made a funny comment every now and then or pointed out some obvious statements like 'what about this screwdriver, wouldn't that be handy to take with us?'. Having said this, we ended up, being fully prepared with fancy looking helmets, locks, bungee ropes (for our luggage) and some different sets of tools.

And buying tools for a motorbike trip is the best investment you can make. Because if you are riding a motorbike (which has been bought in Vietnam that is) in Vietnam, it is not the question IF your motorbike will break down, but WHEN your motorbike will break down.

And soon I discovered the downside of purchasing ' The Beast' my 'big piece of pure evil machinery.' I appeared it had it's own will. We were not on the road for even 2 hours on the first night (we left Hanoi extremely early to avoid insane traffic crowds) and my carburetor was already leaking petrol. Luckily Neil and Dave professionally fixed my carburetor by taking it off my bike, dismantled it and cleaning it. Again, I was just watching, handing over the tools and being pretty! However, looking back on my trip now, my leaking carburetor was just one of the 'minor problems'. Because that very same day, somewhere between Hanoi and Sapa, in an absolute shithole in the middle of Vietnam called Hoa Binh,  my chain between the engine and the clutch broke! Meaning a total breakdown, impossible to drive further for even 1 meter! DAMN!

That day I had my first 'getting towed by another motorbike' experience (many other would follow, but still didn't know that then of course). I was towed to a garage. Next problem, there was no chain available for 'The Beast'. It turned out (after hours of asking around, and hopping from garage to garage in that shithole) that the nearest place for a new chain would be Hanoi. A few hours of driving back which was not an option of course. Eventually we were able to convince some mechanics back in Hanoi (by telephone) to put a new chain on the next bus, coming to the Hoa Binh, so the mechanics at the garage in Hoa Binh could pick it up from the busstation and fix my bike. Of course I had the luck the next bus just passed, so I had to wait for a day. We had been on the road for just a few hours and were already delayed one day! LOL. Anyway, after checking in at a hotel (they got hotels and garages in even the smallest villages) we were on the road again the next day! YEAH BABY, THE BEAST WAS ALIVE AGAIN.

Anyway, the next weeks that followed were absolutely legendary. EVERY SINGLE day was just memorable. All the breakdowns of our bikes were not only extremely funny (exhausts falling off, rear suspensions just snapping of the frame, luggage rack losing bolts, resulting in my luggage dropping on the road while my fellow motorbike mates were screaming their asses off, trying to get my attention, ' cause my bike was just too loud  I didn't notice I was just losing half my stuff etc). At one point I was hitting a long stretched road without any turns. So it was time to release 'the immense fury of  'The Beast' on the 'race track.' Since my bike has no speedo meter nor rev counter, I was not able to tell how fast I've been going, but it was pretty darn fast. All of a sudden this stupid flying bug or wasp or bee, or whatever "Godzilla looking animal with wing" was approaching me, flew straight in my helmet and stung me in the head! Screaming like a bitch (mostly of laughter) I was trying to get the bug out of my helmet, while being on a speeding BEAST, zigzagging like a drunken sailor! I didn't fall down, but it was just one of the hilarious things that happened.

The roads we've been driving where from all kinds. From perfect tarmac roads, to 'no roads' at all, with just mud, gravel, dirt and holes! Especially high up in the mountains, it's a real challenge to manage to stay on your bike, when on one moment you're driving a smooth road, and all of a sudden after the next hair pin turn, you're hitting a hole, or mud pool, making your bike slip away. We have been driving a lot through the mountains. It have been the most stunning roads and views I've ever seen so far! Motorbike paradise. The ascents and descents we had to conquer with our bikes were up to 10% steep and my motorbike was barely able to reach the top. Another funny thing, at one point, being on the top of a mountain with many, many sharp turns (and no barriers to prevent your from falling off the cliff of course) I wanted to adjust my front brake a little, because I thought it was not braking well enough. While I asked Dave to fix it for me, he accidantily made it too tight, which resulted in my brake just 'snapping' off while testing it. FANTASTIC. No front brake anymore, and yet lots of miles to cover on the steep mountain roads! Needless to say, I had to go down, so I did. Just very slowly! I made it in one piece and I had another classic experience: driving an unpredictibile motorbike, with just a back brake on steep mountain roads, consisting of gravel and dirt! Brilliant!

You must wonder right now, how much money did Bart spend on his motorbike to get it running or fixed every single time. Funny thing is, when going to a garage it's not the money that bothers me, because that's absolutely ridiculously cheap. (4 euro's for 5 hours of labour and material). It's just the delay of hours and hours you get at a garage. Apparently it's a 'big thing' when 5 westerners (and 2 are girls) show up at a mechanic in a tiny isolated village with fancy looking motorbikes. I'm not kidding, literally dozens of people gather around us and the motorbike just watching us and checking out the bikes. After that, which usually takes 15 minutes or so, they will all watch the mechanic work, still standing in a circle around him. We felt like aliens with fancy spaceships sometimes, the way people were behaving around us.

Halong Bay

After spending two and a half weeks on the motorbike, driving from tiny village to tiny village (with no other westerners, or any english speaking locals) we finally made it to Halong Bay. A touristic place very famous in Vietnam. I'm here now for a few days already, so it's almost time to leave again. Back to Hanoi. I will sell my motorbike there (with pain in the heart and tears in my eye). I have to do this, since I will not be able to drive another two weeks or a month, due to my time schedule! (I'm meeting up with friends in Thailand at the end of december and I still want to visit Cambodia before that). I hope I will get some cash back for THE BEAST because it is actual in a better condition than when I bought it, since all the repairs that have been done!

I will report back to you in a few weeks, somewhere from Cambodia I suppose. Cheeers from Bart, living his absolute dream!

Oh yeah, newsflash: I shaved my hair off,  with just a few millimeters left. Rough motorbike look! (Neil and Dave did so too, after I did it LOL)

click here for pics